Betty: Oh yay! The sandwich guy! *Betty runs off, pops her head back in after a minute* I got too excited, right?
Gio: I just sold her a plate of lettuce for $7.
Betty: Yes but that’s her breakfast, lunch and dinner, so really it’s a bargain.
Gio: Yes, man…I knew you were an eater!
Betty: Oh… thank you, I guess.
Gio: Oh man, is there a hair? I’m like the only one left in my family with a full head.
Gio: The sundried tomato is a concentrated flavor; more than 3 on a sandwich would overwhelm the smoky flavor of the turkey.
Gio: …Nah. It would be wrong.
Gio: You know, I bet before you got here, you didn’t even know what a sundried tomato was. You just reached into the cart and pulled out whatever had the most cheese.
Daniel: Alright, what is this guy’s name?
Betty: I don’t know… something lame, like Gio.
Gio: I just got fired because you went crying to your boss. Now I don’t have a job. Oh man, I’m gonna have to go back to stealing cable from my neighbor which I don’t feel right about... all because some little Mode girl wasn’t happy with her sandwich.
Gio: Yeah, well, nonetheless you did… All right everybody, that’s it for me, but before I go…there is no such thing as fat-free mayo. There’s 125 calories of pure fat per tablespoon. And I put two in every sandwich. See you around… Mode girl.
Betty: Wait! Sandwich guy! Gio!
Gio: Oh man…
Betty: See? I’m not a Mode girl. A Mode girl wouldn’t have done that.
Gio: Cuz losing that job is exactly the kick in the butt I needed. It was taking me away from my 5-year plan.
Gio: Gio’s Sandwich Depot… 300 seats, a thousand kinds of sandwiches and the world’s longest condiment bar. You name it, it’s on there
Gio: Gio’s is gonna be huuuuuge!
Betty: Sauerkraut?
Gio: Don’t embarrass yourself.
Gio:(Singing) Unbreak my heart…Say you love me again…Take it Betty!
Gio: That’s a… that’s a really hard song to sing.
Gio: Good…keeping it all up there. That’s how Hemingway did it-he was thinking, What a nice morning…and The Sun Also Rises just magically appeared on the page.
Gio: What are you like, 30 now?
Gio: I think he wanted you to say pristine.
Betty: How could he have believed that crazy story?
Gio: Cuz it was goooooooood!
Gio: Hellz yeah, you did. Y’know, maybe you are a writer after all.
Gio: Quack.
Betty: Excuse me?
Gio: Every time you make an excuse, I’m gonna quack.
Betty: Woof.
Gio: What the hell was that?
Betty: Well if you’re gonna quack, I’m gonna woof every time you mention your stupid plan.
SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES
Gio: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah… that’s also the name of a strip club in Bayside! Betty: Ew. And now I know you better.
Gio: But I already have 500 fliers that say Gio’s Sandwiches. And a pickle… with a smiley face.
Betty: Well, that’s good too.
Betty: Oh, I just love it when he does that…
Gio: So I’m just curious, being your boyfriend and all, am I a gentle lover?
Gio: Oohh…you cheating on me? After I was so gentle?
Gio: Oh yeah… egg salad on white. Sexy.
Betty: Thank you for ruining my special night! Oh, and I have news for you buddy, your pickle… with a smiley face… its… its bad.
Gio: Oooh, big words coming from the writer.
Betty: Suck it.
Amanda: Why are you talking about that guy’s pickle?
Betty: So Gio, what did you do with your extra ticket? Pick up some trampy blond on the E-train?
Gio: You’re about to hear gagging. That’s me… gagging.
Nella: My brother is totally macking on your girlfriend.
24 CANDLES
Betty: Whoa, Gio... your hair.
Gio: Summer's coming, gotta let the head breathe. So where have you been?
Betty: Um... around. You know, just uh working and uh... living. Yep, working and living.
Gio: So the Pemberly Inn, huh? What's the occasion?
Betty: It's my birthday.
Gio: Happy birthday!
Betty: Thanks.
Gio: So, you going to dinner with Henry?
Betty: Uh-huh. Yeah, we were suppose to go away for the weekend but Charlie showed up.
Gio: The baby mama.
Betty: Yeah, but it's fine. It's fine. Henry and I are going to have the perfect night right here in Manhattan, an intimate dinner, and then a concert and fireworks in the park!
Gio: The only thing missing is a carriage ride.
Betty: Yeah... wait, a carriage ride? Why'd you say that?
Gio: I don't know, it just seems like something you'd be into.
Betty:(Pause) It was good to see you!
Gio: You too. Sorry we don't talk as much anymore.
Betty: Yeah, well, you know... just working... and living! (She walks away.) Gio: Yeah... working and living.
Amanda:(On the phone) And I was like slow your roll, Mary-kate. You just can't call dibs on every hot piece of... (Seeing Gio with Betty's birthday pie) Pie! Gotta go. (To Gio) That is so sweet of you, thank you.
Gio: Yeah, well, it's for Betty.
Amanda: Ha!
Gio: What?
Amanda: You just reminded me of a really funny story. See, Betty's 'boyfriend' called earlier and he is totally blowing her off for their big birthday date tonight. (Shows him the message.) See?
Gio: Did you give her this message?
Amanda: I'm a receiver, not a giver. (Looks at pie) Can I have that now? (Gio walks away)
Gio:(Arriving with a horse and carriage) Betty!
Betty: Gio?! What are you doing here? And why are you in a carriage?!
Gio: Henry left a message with Amanda, he can't make it tonight. (He hands her the message.) Betty: Charlie
Gio: So, I'm not trying to take his place or anything, but when I heard you were on your own, I remembered my cousin drives these things for tourists and I thought 'She deserves to have a little... fun.' So what do you say? Want a ride?
Betty: I don't know Gio...
Gio: Come on, once around the block.
Betty: Fine... once around the block.
Gio: ... And on the weekend of my tenth birthday there was this blizzard so no one could make it to the party and we couldn't leave the house so we had to eat leftover cake for weeks.
Betty: Wow... well that's not so bad.
Betty: Why are we stopping?
Gio: Snowflake has to take care of some business.
Betty: Oh
. Gio: Sorry, not quite the birthday you imagined, huh?
Betty: It's my own fault. I had this stupid fantasy, fireworks, epic romance... like Romeo and Juliet.
Gio: Ah... you know those two ended up dead in a tomb, right?
Betty: Yeah but I don't like thinking about that part.
Gio: Fantasies are fun but we live in reality. It's not perfect, but that doesn't mean it can't be pretty good.
Betty: I know, I know, I know, and it is, I'm lucky... except for the part where Henry's leaving me after his baby is born.
Betty: It's getting late, I should get home.
Gio: Nah, you're not going home.
Betty: I'm not?
Gio: Nope, we're heading to Central Park. We can still catch the end of that show. Betty wants fireworks for her birthday, she's getting fireworks!
Betty:(About the fireworks) I don't think we're going to make it, sounds like it's almost over.
Gio: Somebody had to stop for hot chocolate. (She shoves him) What? We're gonna make it okay? (The carriage falls backwards.)
Betty: What was that?
Gio: Crap. I think I busted a wheel. I'm going to try and rig something up.
Betty: oh, okay well here I can help.
Gio: No, you stay in the carriage. I don't want you to dirty your dress. (She falls) Betty! You okay?
Betty: I'm okay.
Gio:(Sees her covered in hot chocolate and laughing weakly) Oh no! Man, uh... I think I have a... napkin. (Pulls a pickle napkin from his pocket and wipes her face with it.) Betty: Thanks.
Gio: Yeah. I'm so sorry, Betty. This night sucks, huh? (They laugh) You're such a great girl, you're so... good... and nice and you deserve to have an amazing birthday.
Betty: Gio, it's not your fault. You did everything you could! It's fine.
Gio: No, no it's not. You know, I'm not a big believer in this whole fantasy thing but I at least wanted you to have a little bit of yours. I'm sorry, I wasted your whole night. (Sparks start falling from a construction site.) Betty: No, look! Look! (She turns him around and they watch the falling sparks.) Fireworks.
!
BURNING QUESTIONS
Betty:(To Gio on the phone) I need thirty sandwiches before the editorial meeting or people will forget to eat again, and Daniel doesn't want anybody passing out like last year... Excuse me. Thank you, Gio, you're the best. No, you are... No, you are. You are... Okay, okay, okay, I'm hanging up now, Bye.
Hilda: So what's going on with you and Gio? I heard you guys on the phone.
Betty: It's nothing.
Hilda: Uh-huh.
Betty: So, okay, Gio and I are friends again, so what?
Hilda: Sooo... wasn't Henry jealous of you guys?
Betty: Yeah, he is, but Henry doesn't know that I am talking to Gio again.
Hilda: Ooo, drama, tell Mama Hilda everything.
Betty: Mama Hilda?
Hilda: I'm trying it out.
Betty: Look, Gio is a great guy and I want to be his friend, and I don't want to upset Henry. I mean He has been so sweet since Charlie showed up.
Hilda: Yeah, but are you sure that hiding things from him is the best thing for your relationship?
Betty: Yes and, besides, Charlie is leaving for Tuscon today and I want my last four weeks with Henry to be stress free. Oh, I got to go. Don't wait up!
Betty: I mean, I know I promised Daniel I would try to get along with her but it's gotten worse today. Renee is driving me nuts!
Gio: Hey, just cause you promised that you'd be nice doesn't mean you let Renee walk all over you. Next time she crosses the line, say something.
Betty:(Seeing Henry) Oh, uh, well it looks like we're all set here with the sandwiches. Thank you, Gio! Bye!
Betty: Hi.
Henry: Oh, Hey, was that Gio?
Betty: What? Oh yeah he was dropping off sandwiches or something.
Amanda:(About Betty) Anyway, I just always thought she'd end up with that guy Gio. He's so pathetically into her, always up here delivering her sandwiches. And give Betty enough food and it's just a matter of time before she falls in love.
Henry:(From behind) What was that about Gio and Betty?
Amanda: Nothing, he's just totally in love with her. (Turning around to see him) Oops! (Pause) You could do better.
Gio: Hey, Henry. What can I do for ya?
Henry: You can stay away from Betty.
Gio: Excuse me?
Henry: I only have four weeks left with her. I don't need to be hearing that you're always around with some... crush.
Gio: Whoa, whoa, crush? I don't know where you're getting that from.
Henry: Just stay away from her, got it?
Gio: Oh, I see. You wanna fight. Ah, well, let's get it over with.
Henry: What? Wait, that's not what I meant.
Gio: It wasn't?
Henry: No.
Gio: Because in my neighborhood, when a guy says what you just said, it means he wants a fight. I'll even let you have the first punch.
Henry: I'm not gonna hit you!
Gio: It'll make you feel better. Go ahead, take a swing. Like this- (Henry hits him and Gio falls back into a stack of water bottles) Son of a... bitch!
Henry: I'm sorry! Oh God.
Gio: Man you can hit!
Henry: I thought you were going to hit me.
Gio: Well I wasn't. I was just trying to scare you off. I didn't think you'd actually hit me.
Henry: Neither did I. (He hands him a cold drink) Here, put that on it.
Gio: So what's up Henry? Are you really mad at me or is this about something else?
Henry: I'm stuck. I try to be a good boyfriend and I end up not being the dad I want to be and I try to be a good father and I end up hurting Betty. I'm just scared I'm going to lose her.
Gio: You know the one thing I don't get is, if you have four weeks left with her, then what the hell are you doing wasting your time here with me?
Betty:(To Gio on the phone) Henry did what to you?! (To Cristina) Henry punched Gio!
Christina: Really? Good for him!
Betty:(To Gio on the phone) Well what did you do to deserve it? (Pause) Well I'm just saying! Well look, Gio, I'm really busy, I can't talk right now. Can I call you back? (To Christina) Ugh, this is exactly why I didn't want to tell Henry about Gio, I knew something like this would happen.
Betty: Renee, I have a boyfriend, Henry, who I love very, very much.
Renee: Then why are you spending all of your days and all of your nights at work with my boyfriend?
Betty: Uh, maybe because it’s a really busy time. Or, uh, maybe there are some things I don’t want to talk to Henry about.
Renee: So you’re lying to him. You’re a liar.
Betty: No. No. Henry is leaving for Tucson, so I don’t really want him to know about Gio.
Renee: Gio, who’s Gio?
Betty: He’s this other guy. Henry’s a little jealous of him, he punched him, it’s complicated.
Renee: So you have two guys? Isn’t that enough?
THE KIDS ARE ALRIGHT
Gio: Okay, eight turkey, six veggie, four chicken curry salads, and two salamis. Man, you sure are hungry today. (Betty smiles) Hey, that's the first time I've ever gotten a smile off that joke.
Betty: Well, today has turned out to be not so terrible. Claire Meade asked me to write an article for Hot Flash.
Gio: Hey, that's a big deal!
Betty: Yeah, I guess it is a big deal.
Gio: Here, have a black and white cookie.
Betty: I haven't even told anybody yet.
Gio: Oh, I'm the first person you told, huh? (Betty nods) Figures.
Betty: What does that mean?
Gio: You tell me everything.
Betty: No, I don't.
Gio: Yes, you do.
Betty: Oh, no I don't.
Gio: Oh, yes you do.
Betty: Oh, no I don't.
Gio: Oh yes you do. You're always down here, telling me about your day, flirting, ordering sandwiches.
Betty: Uh, it's a sandwich shop, and I wasn't flirting.
Gio: Oh. come. on. Every time I turn around you there. You know, you're kind of stalk me a little bit.
Betty: What?!
Gio: You like me. There's nothing wrong with that, just admit it.
Betty: You are insane.
Gio: Come on, you'll feel better if you say it out loud. You want me to be your rebound guy.
Betty: I came down here for sandwiches and all of a sudden you're my rebound guy?! Gio, I just got out of a relation-- (Gio breaks her off with a kiss. She returns it for a moment before slapping him and running out of the shop.)
Betty:(Looks at Gio’s napkin) I wasn’t flirting.
Amanda: Oh my god, it looks like she’s eating him! Marc: She does realize that’s the sandwich guy and not an actually sandwiches right? Oh Mandy how I’ve missed this.
Betty: I know you two sent that picture around. And I just want to say…
Amanda: Betty, we are so glad you finally found a rebound guy. I mean you and Henry?
Marc: Mismaaatch! One time, I saw him changing his shirt in the bathroom, and I wasn't staring, and I definitely did not take a picture, but for a nerd accountant? He has body kar-ate. (He shows Amanda a picture on his phone.) Amanda: Oooh. But Gio sells like salami.
Marc: And he's perfect for you!
Betty: Gio is NOT by rebound guy and I have an article to write today so I don't have time for your games. If you could just write a retraction email, send it out-
- Amanda: Betty, Gio loves you.
Marc: And that's a direct quote from a stall in the men's room.
Daniel:(As Betty comes out of a stall) What are you doing in the men's room?
Betty: Uggh. There was a graffiti situation. Mark wrote a very raunchy poem about me and Gio, it was more of a haiku, really. Anyway, I took care of it.
Hilda: How you doin' over there?
Betty: I can't concentrate.
Hilda: Why? Is it Henry, again?
Betty: I keep trying to focus on my work... and then Gio went and kissed me.
Hilda: What! Gio kissed you?! Girl, spill it! Can he kiss?
Betty: Don't get excited, it was awful. And I feel guilty.
Hilda: Guilty, why...? (Gasp) Because you liiiiked it.
Betty: No, I just miss Henry, that's all, and I'm not even close to being ready to think about another guy. It's not time yet. Is it? Oh God, I'm terrible.
Hilda: Please, you think you can't have feelings for more than one guy at a time? I know you loved Henry, but you can not plan when you're going to start feeling things again.
Antonella: I know you from somewhere.
Betty: Nope, I don't think so.
Antonella: Yeah, braces, you know my brother.
Betty: Who's your brother? (Antonella points behind Betty, to Gio.)
Gio: I knew you were stalking me.
Betty: You are stalking me. What are you doing here?
Gio: I'm a chaperone.
Betty: Well me too, but I'm also working so, if you don't mind...
Gio: Oh, I see, you get your kiss and now you're blowing me off.
Betty: You kissed me!
Gio: Yeah, well, you kissed me back. I even felt your tongue.
Betty: I was blocking your tongue!
Gio: You frenched me, Suarez. You frenched me good.
Betty: I did not french you! (She walks away but Gio follows) Gio, I have an article that I need to write and my deadline is tomorrow so, please, stop distracting me.
Gio: What?! I'm chaperoning here!
Betty: And who calls it frenching?! (She storms off)
Betty: I need your help.
Gio: I thought I was distracting you.
Betty: I don't have a single quote for my article, not one without profanity, anyway. I literally have kids running from me and you are surrounded by them! How do you do it?
Gio: I just talk to them like a normal person. They're pretty much the same as everyone you know. I mean, look, there's a Daniel. (He points to a boy with his arms around two pretty girls.) And, uh, there's an Amanda. (He points to a pretty girl whose sticking gum in another girl's hair.) Oh, that kid is definitely me. (Points to a kid drawing on posters.) Betty: Ugh, I hate that little kid! I busted him twice tonight for defacing posters!
Gio: Yeah, and now we know who you were in junior high school, the girl who never had any fun.
Betty: Um, I had plenty of fun. I did yearbook.... and Young Environmentalists ... and Multi-Cultural Club. And ya know, I don't like to brag but, in eighth grade, I did win the Good Citizen Award.
Gio: Of course you have a good Citizen's Award.
Betty: Well, I don't techniually have it. I gave it back so that everyone at the school could enjoy it, which really sucks because I worked really hard for that award and now I can barely see it through the trophy case, but that's okay because giving back is what a good citizen does.
Gio: Ah, found her, Little Betty. (He points to a girl who’s sitting on the bleachers and writing in a notepad.) She must be covering this thing for the school paper.
Betty: No.... she's waiting for someone to ask her to dance. (They look at each other for a moment.) Okay, I'll try again, your way. I'll talk to her like a normal person.
DJ: ... goes out to Betty from Gio. Alright kids, grab that special someone and hit the dance floor.
Gio: So what do you say, B? Wanna do something crazy and actually dance at a school dance? (Betty glances unsurely at the young girl she's talking to.) Don't worry about her, I've got that covered. (Justin appears.) Justin:(To the girl) Do you wanna dance?
Girl: I don't know...
Betty:(To her) Go, have fun. (To Gio) Well, that was very nice.
Gio: Come on; take a break from your article. (He leads her out to the floor, where they dance and almost kiss.) Betty: I can't. (He watches her run away.)
Gio:(After finding Betty, whose crying on the stairs) Hey.
Betty: Oh, I'm fine, how are you?
Gio: I'm good. You realize I didn't actually ask how are you.
Betty: Oh, I'm fine, thanks.
Gio: You're really good at hiding it.
Betty:(She laughs) Yeah. It's just, I'm not the type of person who can have a boyfriend and forget about them, especially someone I love... loved. What am I doing dancing with you, Gio? What does that say about me?
Gio: God, Betty. It must be so exhausting, always worrying about the right thing to do.
Betty: What do you mean?
Gio: You gave back the Good Citizen Award because that's what a good citizen does. Maybe you should stop worrying about how you're suppose to be and just... be.
Betty: I'm really sad.
Gio: Sad I think we can work with.
Betty:(As Gio picks the lock on the trophy case) I can't steal my Good Citizen trophy!
Gio: Oh, Come on, you know you want to. It'll make you feel better, I promise.
Betty: Okay, yep, there it is. I can see it, kind of. Alright, maybe I can just hold it for a second and then put it back. Or you could take a picture of me with your cell phone. No, no, that could be evidence. (The lock clicks and Gio slides open the door.)
Gio:(In an accented voice) Betty, come get me! You worked so hard, I belong to you!
Betty: My trophy speaks with a Mexican accent?
Gio: All trophies do.
Betty:(She glances around and then carefully pulls it out of the case.) Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God! I got it! It's a lot lighter than I imagined. (The whole case comes crashing down.) Principal: Stop right there!
Betty: Principal Hayworth!
Principal: Betty Suarez? Stealing?! (He takes back the trophy) You are a bad citizen, Betty Suarez.
Gio: So the principal turns to her and says 'Betty Suarez, you're expelled!'
Justin: No way!
Antonella: Badass!
Betty: No, it is not badass to get expelled from school so don't go getting’ any ideas.
Gio: Too late, you're officially a bad influence.
Betty: Okay, time for us to go inside, you're mom's probably waiting. Bye.
Gio:(To Antonella) Wait right here, I'm going to go say a proper goodbye to Betty, ok? (To Betty) I'm sorry I got you into trouble.
Betty: Don't worry about it, I had fun. And besides, I figured out what my articles going to be about, 'you can be young at any age.' I mean, I just had my first junior high dance and I’m twenty-four.
Gio: I'm glad I could help.
Betty: Well, I better get inside and start writing.
Gio: Right, right, the deadline. Good luck.
Betty: Thanks. (She watches him walk away for a moment before going after him.) Hey, ah, crazy idea, um do you wanna, maybe... do something... sometime?
Gio: What like a date?
Betty: I don't know... yeah.
Gio: Um... I don't think so.
Betty: What?
Gio: I just... I don't think it's a good idea.
Betty: Um, okay, I'm a little confused. See, you kissed me, and then you danced with me, and you talked about being my Rebound Guy, so... what was all that about?
Gio: That's just it... I don't wanna be the Rebound Guy. I wanna be The Guy.
